Archive for the ‘thoughts on me’ Category

june start

In thoughts on me, thoughts on things on June 6, 2012 at 10:00 am

i love early mornings.

the coffee is going.  there is a sunflower in an old glass milk jar reminding me of the weekend – yard sales and farmers market.  violet hydrangeas from family in the country.  everything in my home needs a little mid-week reset, even me.  i’ll re-water the flowers, vaccuum, dust, straighten, hang a few more things on the walls… to send us off into the weekend.  birthday weekend!

new dress, friends, mexican food, enjoying our house!


just some notable nuggets from this morning i want to capture:

dreams about lost things.  many lost things from throughout my life all in one dream.

homemade blueberry muffin with farmers market blueberries

local coffee house with husband’s soft tee on over trusty skinnies

the gumption to create and write, and write and write

perfectly overcast drizzly day with everyone huddled inside


there are a few things that have given me inspiration this week.  i don’t think sensible artists usually share their very common, everyday inspiration sources – because you get to see the finer lines of their work –  but i just can’t help it!  this is what has been beating in my brain and heart.

this trailer for The Perks of Being A Wallflower 

watching The Lord of the Rings again.  big stories.

reading Chasing the Dragon – the Jackie Pullinger autobiography, recalling her life as a single British young lady missionary in the Walled City in Hong Kong.


my official answer to the “if you could meet any person/people, dead or alive, today, who would it be and why?” question is this:

i would sit down with C.S. Lewis and J.R.R.Tolkien in the Eagle and Child Pub in Oxford and sit in on their Inklings meeting, and discuss whatever it is they would discuss – life, love, writing, big stories, bigger stories, or maybe none of that at all – over a pint. hopefully i wouldn’t bother them too much.

it inspires me to live that life now, here.  create.  let stories come alive.  surround myself with creators to encourage and sharpen.  put myself in an environment i just enjoy, no other “efficient” motive, more often.

okay early mornings, i’m liking you more and more already.



In thoughts on God, thoughts on me, thoughts on things on May 8, 2012 at 9:44 am

it’s almost eight am, and i’m enjoying my second successful morning staying awake after john has left for work.  that is, second of 5 total mornings : )  5:30 is early y’all!

i frequently shake my head in disbelief that this is life now, this is my life.  like this morning – him with his work shirt on, embroidered name patch on the right side, leaving with his lunch packed and a kiss goodbye – us in this little apartment doing life as a unit.  thank you Jesus!  it is still so new.

okay, less gushing!  but it is indeed a full, overflowing season, a time of fulfillment of so many of the Lord’s promises to me personally.

many people make it seem like marriage is the end goal of young life.  you finally get married to that person you’ve been waiting for, and you settle into your house, your schedule, your pattern, until you reach the perfect equilibrium of comfort in life.  and while there is plenty of that “settling into” for us already, and beautifully so, i find that marriage has been the most sling-shot-y launching point into vibrant life, the life abundant, to the full – spiritually, emotionally, everything-ally.   we are babies in a life that i haven’t even scratched the surface imagining. 

i have a desire to create and write that is insatiable.  i’m so happy i get to go to sleep early and wake up early, and have time to take time in God’s presence, and creating.  and breakfast : )  more of that, Lord!

i love may.  everything is new.

a couple of inspies:

  • flowers
  • farmers markets
  • transition from spring to summer
  • fresh fruits and vegetables
  • a time of dreaming
  • “early to rise” inspiration – what’s your ideal start to the day?
  • yard sales

oh! hey you guys!

In thoughts on me on March 15, 2012 at 11:13 am


here are some things i’m looking forward to:

  • Sola Coffee Shop opening up (tomorrow!) – I am very thankful that North Raleigh is expanding in its coffee options!  that’s one thing about Boone that i miss the most.
  • getting my taxes out of the way
  • painting my nails
  • maybe, just maybe, laying out today.  yes today, March 15.
  • digging more into the Psalms like a kid at a feast table
  • sharing a home with my john.  every morning i make coffee i think, “i can’t wait to do this in our home!”
  • getting mixes back from maple studios
  • full-on springtime


In thoughts on me, thoughts on things on February 6, 2012 at 12:21 pm

i am a planner.  i love to plan and prepare!  it is obvious in lists, margin notes, and thought bubbles scribbled in journals, on receipts, and emails sent to myself.  and the fact that purchasing a new planner is like Christmas to me!  there is just something so precious about preparing.   there is a sense of excitement, intention, importance, and value in it!

here are a few books i’ve been looking through to get inspiration and wisdom for the home.

This book by Caroline Clifton-Mogg is covered in beautiful photos of warm and homey dwellings.  Seriously, I drooool over these spaces!  What I love most is that she gives inspiration to use the well-loved items that you already have to enhance the spaces you and your loved ones spend the most time.  Less is more in decorating, and intentionality is key.

My mom recently brought this book home for me to peruse through.  Hello – the power of all shades of neutrals in all kinds of textures!  Linens and lace is the ultimate southern way, and really pays homage to a culture when women spent hours making these pieces for their home.  The best part?  The originals can be found in our  mom’s closets or at your local antique shop for next to nothing.

Don’t let the word green make you turn your head in dismissal.  This book has valuable information about the health- and money-saving techniques of home care that families have used for centuries, before the convenience factor of chemical infused products at your local grocery store.

There is also something precious and intentional about caring for these otherwise looked over details of home care.  Make your own laundry detergent – that WORKS.  Increase your knowledge of home remedies for all kinds of things – cramps, headaches, and the common cold.  Replace boxes and plastic bags crammed in your pantry with jars and reusable containers filled with the things you use all the time.  Not only is it green, but it’s beautiful.  It is not only pleasing to your eye, but pleasing to your heart.  It just improves the quality of home.


i don’t expect to “be perfect.”  no way!  everyone does home different, because everyone is different. but i do want to care and show love for the place called home.

my travels

In thoughts on me, thoughts on things on January 12, 2012 at 10:48 am

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.

– Saint Augustine

ah, january.  we’re all settled down in the schedule of work and the blanket of colder weather, and the feeling of wanderlust can’t help but eek its way in.  adventure, holiday, packed bags, generally warmer weather, visions of denim shorts, unkempt hair, and carefree activities!  i love to travel.

i think being well-traveled is one of the greatest gifts my parents (and contributing family and friends) have given me in my life.  my dad especially nurtured any interest in going to another country, even to the point that he once arranged for me to miss school for a few weeks.  pretty awesome for a young, curious girl like me!  he earned serious cool dad points with that one.

being involved in church also greatly contributed to my opportunities to travel.  my first out-of-country trip, to Mexico, was a perfect way to get my feet wet with cross-cultural travel.  once i saw that i could do it, i could work through the discomfort of a new place many thousands of miles away from home with different ways of doing things and have a fun, unforgettable time,  i couldn’t stop.  i didn’t want to ever stop going to new places.  i still don’t.

“Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.” – Miriam Beard

adventures from Mexico, Kenya, Germany, England, France, Italy, Costa Rica, Thailand and Cambodia are all scribbled down in pages of various journals.  i can’t very rightly explain the benefits of traveling, except that there are so many of them.  you face fear.  you place yourself willingly into discomfort to discover different people and different ways of life.  in that, the point that discomfort meets familiarity is an incredible spark of travel.  taking unfamiliar, scary things and introducing yourself to them.

one of the sweetest benefits of traveling, one of the surest ways i love it and know i won’t stop, is seeing how very completely, 180° different people can be from me, and from each other, and knowing that God speaks all of our languages.  He is not American or Asian or African or any other distinction of a man.  but He perfectly loves and understands us all, and speaks to us in the ways that are meaningful to us – by culture, by language, and by our humanity.  seeing different people helps me see God more wholly and clearly, and helps me to love Him more.  He is so big, God of all the world! and loves us so closely and compassionately.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

at this point in my life, as i’m preparing to be a wife and to make a home with my husband, i have to consider the ways that traveling will fit into this life that can look like a certain thing.  “married life” can take on this image, healthily or unhealthily, of what it should be.  one of the ways John and I really connect is by our love for travel and ministering to people around the world.  “well what happens when you have kids?”  “how long would you be overseas?” and a thousand other questions come up, and that’s okay!  we will travel, we will have children (whether by blood or otherwise), we will love extravagantly and live well and follow the Spirit’s call.

I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.
-Robert Louis Stevenson

so where do i want to go?  really, where do i not want to go!  high up on my list is Sweden, Israel and the middle-east, Poland and eastern Europe, Ireland and Scotland, and of course, Greece.  to pack my bags well, read up on the cultures beforehand, and go is addicting.

where have you been?  where do you want to go?


In thoughts on God, thoughts on me, thoughts on things on January 1, 2012 at 8:43 pm

the fire is burning, the rain is coming down, mean girls is on the tv, and i am excited to paint my toenails a bright cherry red.  2012 is here y’all, and there’s something great about it!  don’t you agree?

i haven’t always been a lover of the new years resolution.  it’s always seemed a little stressful to try and “perfect” my life by promising to achieve ultimate health and wellness, become extremely well-read, and a myriad of other things that i really would like out of my life, all at once.  re: my intense love for taking my time, gradual change, sweet tea… you know the drill.

but as a lover of lists and goals in general, i’ve come to embrace the year-long outlook and have developed an appreciation for realistic, challenging, and inspiring goals and exciting reminders about the things to come in the new year.

2012 is going to be a year i’ll remember all my life.  i absolutely love the turning of new seasons in life!  there’s so much that will be going on and changing so quickly this year.  i recall the words of my dear newlywed gal-pal emily, “there will be times when everything will overwhelm you.  enjoy those times.  enjoy it all.”   and that, emily and all, is what i resolve to do!

2011 was a year that was difficult, sweet, blessing-filled, a year where the Lord pursued my heart and i experienced new and deep things with Him.  i started dating John, rode a roller-coaster of jobs, learned more how to trust God with every detail of my life, joined a church, wrote and recorded songs, and got engaged.  so i blow a kiss to 2011 and smile at the things to come!

in 2012 i will get a stable job, praise the Lord.

in 2012 i will plan and prepare for a wedding and marriage.

in 2012, i’m gonna get married!

in 2012, i’ll move into and make a sweet, warm home with my husband-to-be, John.

in 2012, i’ll have wonderfully recorded versions of some songs of mine to share with everyone!


in 2012, i resolve to more intentionally seek the Lord first in my day, with my time, my mind, my heart, and my will.  to not forsake my first love, and to love Him first!

in 2012, i resolve to become more of an intercessor.

in 2012, i resolve to love the people around me more intentionally and nurture the relationships i have.

i resolve to laugh a lot!  great big laughs of freedom and love!

for january (with my month-to-month resolution friends) i resolve to limit soda (i’m not a huge soda buff to begin with) and not eat fries!  ah! you can take my sodas but you can never take…. my french fries!!!


and you know, there are plenty of other things, but i’ll keep it at that.

so with a belly full of black eyed peas and collard greens, happy 2012 to you –  a year of blessing and breakthrough!

day 100 – the perks and challenges of nomadic living

In thoughts on God, thoughts on me on December 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm

i guess you could say i’ve reached expert status in moving.  but it doesn’t get any easier the more you do it.

since moving for college in 2005, i’ve moved residences seven times.  now eight, counting the recent move back into my parents house.  before the year is over i will move one more time, into a home with John.  that will be nine moves in eight years.

if you’ve ever moved, you know that it’s taxing on more than just your time, effort, and ability to acquire dozens of cardboard boxes.  it’s taxing on your mind, emotions, and will.  it’s difficult to account for every little last item you own, from every piece of too-big-i-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-it furniture, to every last one of the gagillion paper clips and pens in every obscure drawer.  it’s difficult to ask for help, because you know you can’t do all that by yourself.  so often in the middle of moves i’ve thought, “i can’t wait to have one place where all my things will stay put for a long, long time.”   and still, i have that thought.

some moves are well thought out and planned.  other moves are leaps of faith and make your heart stronger and  your skin tougher.  either way, every move is a little scary.  it’s a new life, a new pattern, new habits, new people, new places and ways of doing things, whether it’s across state or country lines or whether it’s a move down the street.  it’s a definitive step into the unknown.

but i think what i’m coming to learn as a seasoned nomad is that all your belongings being in one place for a long time, enough to make it “home,” really isn’t the point.  it’s a nice thought, one that brings comfort, ownership, and security.  it makes you feel in control of your life, because you can dream and plan and live around the central location of that place.  and not that those things are bad things, but they’re not the point.  they’re not the main goals of life and living, to have one place to call home.   that’s been a tough lesson to learn.

i may have that one place, or i might not.  and it’s okay either way, because my home is not here.  oh, dear hearts!  he’s made us for heaven to be with Him!  the more i move all my things and myself around, the fuller i learn that.  and let me be honest, it’s hard every time i learn it, but it’s precious.  i may live on a farm in the countryside of Pennsylvania for 20 years or i might live in 100 more places and countries around the world before i die, and this short span of years is just the training ground.  the point is, i can and must forever trust the Lord with my life.  He’s taken me all these places in such a short amount of time, proving his love and care with me, letting me learn and find home in Him, which i’ll be doing the rest of my life.  and though it’s not been easy (really, who can say their life is?), it’s been an incredible journey literally laced with the Father’s grace, favor, and love.

here’s to many more years of that, and a true home sweet home in the presence of my God and King!

day 98 – fun news from the heart of yours truly

In thoughts on me, thoughts on things on December 22, 2011 at 12:38 am

it was a beautiful day, delicately planned, prayed over, and poured into.

and i got to enjoy it as a complete surprise and treat!

just another Saturday, a day with 24 hours in it, just like the rest of them.

but in it i was taken away in the middle of the night, straight out of a sleep,

taken on a road trip adventure,

i watched the sun rise with the love of my life and best friend on the shore

with candles, flowers, blankets, and the cool winter ocean air,

and was wonderfully proposed to.

and i said yes, of course!


it will be an honor to learn with him, to lean into the Spirit and hope in Him with each other, for forever.

we want to hear His voice and see His glory more than anything!

my heart is full of treasures!

day 97 – before this is over, i’m going to tell you about my music

In thoughts on me, thoughts on things on December 14, 2011 at 11:34 pm


so, i’ve purposely kept it a little mum.  lock and key.  lips sealed.  on the DL.

but i just can’t keep it in any more!  just for you my friends!  a little update on my music.

i started a project in November of 2009.  yes, over 2 years ago (can you believe that?), i decided to record a few songs on more than garageband.  i did not realize, of course, that that step would take me down a 2-year long road (and then some) for the result.  but the result is going to be better than i could have imagined or hoped for!  yes, after all of this time, my EP is most definitely on the way! (even though now the term “EP” is like a dead horse to me.  i just want to make up another name for it…. mini album.  teensyrecord.  shortstack.  ya know… feel free to add to the list)

it started out with a little steam of attention and a lot of gusto from myself – i made some silly and fun monthly update videos, until i realized that i could make all the update videos i wanted and be hilarious and still not record my songs well or put a great voice to them.  i played a handful of shows, and realized that i needed to focus and tend to the side of creating and recording for a good long while.  i even recorded all of the songs all the way through, and decided to start over.  start over?!?  was i kidding???  i couldn’t do that all again!

but i needed to eat that slice of this-isn’t-so-easy pie.  it didn’t taste good but it was really good for me.  and started the project again with stronger legs underneath me, steadier feet, and a better idea of what i really wanted.  with friends behind me and the Lord guiding my steps, i planned and planned and planned, and then, in June, i packed my bags for nashville.  10 days, 6 songs.

music inspires me.  it’s in my head all the time.  i hear beats and swells and orchestras and simple melodies every hour of the day.  i hear it in my turn-signal and in the pace of my steps down the sidewalk.  i have, in my head, a complete score to my life.  it’s all tied up in my conversations with God, in fashion, in art, in my relationships, in everyday life and the most simple, mundane things, in beautiful things and difficult things.  and i just want to share a little of that with you.

so, without further ado and long-windedness, i would like to announce (though still largely keeping mum on the matter) that my bite-size album is coming early in 2012.  for real!  in the next few months you can expect to see and hear

  1. a new website.  the hub of all things you need to know about my music, with a blog, of course : )
  2. some videos on said website
  3. a single
  4. albumette release!
  5. release party, of course!

if you’re reading this and you’ve pre-ordered the EP, don’t you worry.  i’ve got some pretty awesome things in store for you!

okay, glad that’s off my chest.  until then, get a little christmas cheer from this version of Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas that i did last year.

day 96 – if you’re hungry, go find food

In thoughts on God, thoughts on me on December 9, 2011 at 12:06 pm

simple enough, right?

i was sitting in the audience when the man up front said those words, and then continued on with his message.  that simple phrase hit me, and i just held on to it.  i was hungry, and acting like i didn’t know where my food source was!  yes, i know where it comes from, but i just go on eating stuff that isn’t really food at all and always feel like i am tired, have so little to give, or that i’m just getting by.

ie: so much of my life.  can i get really down and personal with y’all?  i look for food everywhere, and i love to eat.  in my relationships i look for food to eat up and to make me bigger and stronger.  i look for food in my purposes and plans, in what i’m doing or planning on doing that is or seems important or impressive – my jobs, my blog, and all the other hats i wear.  i look for food in entertainment.  i look for it in the pantry, in my bank account, in my cup of coffee, and in my closet.

i have no other way to describe it than food.  real, good food that fills up the innermost parts of me.  as i get older i am learning that the best way to start my day – no matter what, no matter how christian-totalitarian it sounds, no matter what is going on in life, in pleasant plenty or in distress – the best way to start my day is with a heaping portion of food.  

to feast on the Word.  this requires so little of us that it seems like it can’t be real.  all we have to do is show up, sit down, and start eating.  isn’t that what we all really want?  feasting.  gorging!  going for seconds and thirds if we want.  hot, fresh, steaming food.  ice cold cups of water.  rich wines, endless.  fine cheeses.  there is plenty.  have you ever seen the movie Hook?  you know when Peter Banning sits at the table and sees the feast for the first time, with heaping bowls of colors and meats and fruits and anything you could possibly imagine?  it’s like that.  that’s what i mean.

wake up and take a BIG bite.  eat!  don’t worry about cleaning up before you sit at the table, just come right like you are!  the Word of God is the truest food.  it fills up in ways no other thing can fill – whether otherwise good things or downright bad things.  good and even great things made into the thing become bad things.   it’s trying to feast and survive on things that aren’t real food.  the good things resemble food but are just other parts of the party, and you’ve gotta eat to really enjoy them.  no one likes a cranky party guest trying to do business without having had a nice meal around the table with friends.

you know?  it is just so simple.  if you’re hungry, go find food.


“On this mountain the LORD of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food, a feast of well-aged wine, of rich food full of marrow, of aged wine well refined.  And he will swallow up on this mountain the covering that is cast over all peoples, the veil that is spread over all nations.  He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from the earth, for the LORD has spoken.”

Isaiah 25: 6-9


“In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as all riches.  Open my eyes that I may behold wondrous things our of your law.  Your testimonies are my delight, they are my counselors.  Incline my heart to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain!  Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.  I rejoice at your word like one who finds great spoil.  Great peace have those who love your law, nothing can make them stumble.  My soul keeps your testimonies, I love them exceedingly.  I keep your precepts and testimonies, for all my ways are before you.”

Psalm 119 (various verses)


“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth… And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

John 1:14, 16


and just for fun, Jesus’ first miraculous act:

“…there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee.  Jesus was invited to the wedding with his disciples.  When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.”  And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me?  My hour has not yet come.”  His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

There were six stone water jars there for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons.  Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water.”  And they filled them up to the brim.  And he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the feast.”  So they they took it.  When the master of the feast tasted the water now become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine.  But you have kept the good wine until now.”  This, the first of his signs, Jesus did at Cana in Galilee, and manifested his glory.  And his disciples believed in him.”

John 2: 1-12


haha!  He so loves a good feast!

so eat up!