Archive for March, 2010|Monthly archive page

on dreams, rock concerts, and tiny faith

In thoughts on God, thoughts on me on March 26, 2010 at 5:16 am

there are certain moments in life when we realize we’ve turned over a new leaf, and for a moment, we see things very clearly.

sometimes this “turning over” process lasts a week, and sometimes it’s years.  sometimes these moments of realizing we’ve turned over a new leaf are triggered by quiet moments in solitude, other times by seeing a friend we haven’t seen in a while.  sometimes it’s as simple as a ceremony of passage – graduation, marriage, or a birthday.

i had one of these moments in particular recently, and i guess you could say it was triggered by seeing a friend i hadn’t seen in a while.

i remember about five years ago having a dream so powerful and moving.  i told one of my mentors at the time.  it was a dream i know the Lord gave and spoke through.  it was also one of the only dreams i can remember a specific song playing, words and swells and everything.  it was copeland’s “you have my attention.”

i hadn’t thought about that dream in so long until a few weeks ago.  dustin, john, corrine and i went to see copeland at the kickoff show of their farewell tour.  i hadn’t thought of that song in years.  there are so many copeland songs that have a sentimental place in my heart and memory.  it was the last song of the entire night, the last song of the encore, right after they played “coffee,” undisputedly one of my favorites which i was not expecting to hear live.  then they started “you have my attention.”

my heart started thudding – this was perfect.  i couldn’t have imagined it so perfect. i smiled, closed my eyes, and i could see the dream so vividly – running, pulling a slave in rags, a friend of mine, up a stone bridge towards a massive, deep orange sun.

a lot of the concert was so special because i got to remember the person i used to be, from 9th grade through high school and college.  i remembered specific people and circumstances, and it was as if i was bidding farewell to all those people and things as well, remembering fondly.  bidding the old man in me farewell.  seeing how the Lord faithfully sewed seeds in me and continued to till the soil and weed and reap fruit in me. hallelujah.

i know if i were in a different place in life, that show would have been wrought in strange feelings, memories, and pride.  but becaause of the Lord i got to enjoy it so much.  in freedom.

i used to believe God was God and there were things He didn’t want to be involved in.  these things included rock concerts, a fun night out with my girlfriends, my hope to sing and play music.  i guess even now i’m convicted because i hold certain things away from Him that I hope for, thinking if He doesn’t want to be involved, i should keep them hidden.  or even more, because i know in my head He does want to be involved in those things, hopes as they are, He’ll want to change them or take them away.  wow.

[Jesus, reform my thoughts and change my heart on this!]

some of these hopes are to make music and get married and have a family.  i see myself wanting to hide them from God so He won’t take them away.  isn’t that silly?  they are all good things, precious things in themselves.  but i tend to make these the end to which Jesus is the means.  like Jesus is a potion i take for the fruits of His Spirit.  instead of taking Jesus, end, point, period.  fruits come naturally out of that, and there is no need and no use to strive after them and work for them.  strive after Jesus, work for Jesus.

now that i look at my “hopes” on paper, i realize, yes, these are good!  God does not want to strip us of all out hopes and dreams, that is not His character.  His dreams for me are much bigger, more magnificent, detailed down to the littlest blessing on some otherwise nondescript day years from now.  i dream so small and my faith in Him is tiny.

He can take a dream from years ago, a rock show in a small venue in carrboro nc, and sew it all together to usher me into a new place, a new leaf, enjoying Him.


reading, listening, watching

In thoughts on me, thoughts on things on March 22, 2010 at 10:07 pm

what are you reading, listening to, and watching?

i love hearing about this from other people.  it seems mundane enough, but it’s such a quick, direct way of knowing what people are up to that’s not officially what they’re up to.  you know?  it’s not their job or hobby or their daily list of to-do’s. it’s what people do when they have a free moment.  it’s what’s on their mind when they’re generally at rest.  and i love knowing about that in peoples lives.  it makes me feel like i’m seeing the little fibers of their world.

so here’s a little of what i’m unofficially up to.


  • John, Chapter 18
  • Fresh Power:  Experiencing the Vast Resources of the Spirit of God – Jim Cymbala (pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle) & Dean Merrill
  • The Sacred Art of Fasting (Preparing to Practice) – Thomas Ryan, CSP
  • Animal, Vegetable, Miracle – Barbara Kingsolver

listening to:

  • mae – “seasons.”  an incredible piano piece.  and seriously, these videos are beautiful, take the time to enjoy part one and part two
  • the morning benders – “talking through tin cans”
  • the shins – “those to come”
  • ray lamontagne – “truly, madly, deeply”
  • sandra mccracken
  • fleet foxes
  • josé gonzalez
  • elizabethtown soundtrack


  • Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution
  • movies at the movies!!  well, not many.  alice in wonderland &  dear john.  every time i go out to the movies i want to sing “Let’s Go To The Movies” from Annie.  that is exactly what’s going on in my head whenever i go out to see a movie, with the dancing ladies and butler guys and everything.
  • anticipating watching The Last Song.  yes, that’s right!  i can’t wait!!  i think miley is adorable and nicholas sparks is great at his niche.

how about you?

what are you going to do now? [the passion pit]

In thoughts on me, thoughts on things on March 13, 2010 at 7:19 am

the thing every college graduate knows they’ll hear

what are you going to do now?

(over, and over, and over.)

not sure?  then:

what do you want to do?

still not sure?  then:

what are you good at?

what do you like?

how could you make money?

how about what makes you come alive?


“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman


everything creative makes me come alive.

i want my hands on it.  i’m visual kinesthetic.  in the Spirit and goodness of God, creativity gives me joy and peace.

creativity and the Lord.  this is real.  He is the most creative and it’s so beautiful.

i like

films and old things.  actual film rolls, capturing a place or person or scene.

old instruments & singing, old tales about the old moutnains, old love, old trees and old men.

stories. songs.

people lines.  how it all fits  together like a map.

he knows him and their grandmotha owned his ol’ lan n now they’re gettin ready to sell it to that guy.

places with stories with people lines.

history i can talk about and see and touch.

old fairy tales rooted in truth

a good aesthetic



general stores.

going back to glass bottle soda and growing your own tomatoes.


i want to make things and i want to grow things and i want to go places.

maybe those are my three main hats, at the pit of all my passions:

creativity & growth & travel


make things

(my house my bed a card a song a book a dance a dress a home)

grow things

(my family my garden my love my trust my hope my prayer my giving)

go places

(places with stories with people lines. meet people find storylines, love them, write them. history i can talk about and see and touch. old fairy tales rooted in truth.  find a good aesthetic.  go places, find people, sing songs, love them)


that’s what makes me come alive.

now tell me what career to have :]

spring inspiration

In thoughts on things on March 9, 2010 at 7:12 am

cherry blossoms


the carolina coast

roads & road trips

maybe, road trip to dc for the cherry blossom festival, drive down the coast of carolina with nothing but a map, and make it a point to stop at any farmer’s market we find along the way to purchase daffodils and local produce.

1-2-3 go!

what i really want

In thoughts on God, thoughts on me on March 8, 2010 at 1:15 am


to live life like i’ve already lost it, recklessly,

because when you’ve lost it you’ve got nothing left to lose.

to laugh a lot.

to love BIG.

to deny fear.

to accept freedom.